Thursday, March 8, 2012

Ready to Cry

CW:  Need to start weighing myself after binges
CP: Oxyelite

Binged last night.  And now that I went through some of your blogs I am feeling really guilty about it.  I had found an old diary yesterday from like 1.5/2 years ago and it was a tough read.  I felt really alone and for some reason instead of finding comfort in not eating I found it in a BLT, toast, pita with dip, granola bar, buttered popcorn, spaghetti, ice cream, pop tart.  And I didnt even purge.  How stupid and fat I am.  I hate myself  for being so weak all the time.  Today to make up for it I am going to fast.  Just water and 0 cal drinks.  Then tomorrow I work a double which will not allow me to eat much if anything.  Its time I start punishing myself.  Its time I stop thinking its not a big deal.  Its time for me to be skinny.  Its time for me to start working out daily.  And to start working harder at my career goals.  I want to have it all and look good doing it.  I want people to think, I dont know how she does it.  I want to be envied and loved.

Daily Thinspo

How badly i want this



  1. Don't feel bad about your binge, we all do the same from time to time, your never alone, maybe try a juice fast first, to ease yourself into a water fast? That way it might be easier to do :) xx

  2. Keep hanging in there. Everyone makes mistakes, just have to learn to forgive yourself and move forward. <3