Thursday, February 23, 2012


CW: Sickly Gross Fat
CP:  Antibiotics
CD:  Fat girl

I got really sick all of a sudden.  Have missed a bunch of days of work.  Havent been able to check on the second job I applied for because I literally havent left my bed except to go get meds.  At the pharmacy while standing there my vision went black, I got really hot, and practically fainted.  It was really scary as I have never fainted before.  My body seems to be craving sugar because that is the only thing that I have a tasting for and since I feel so shitty I cannot help but give it.  I probably could have a lost a bunch of weight with this sickness but I love adding insult to injury.  I can barely type right now but just wanted to fill you in.  And hoping this post will help me put down the milk and cookies.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2012


CW:  Fat ass
CP: nada
CD: binge galore

Been binging all weekend because I got my period and decided that would be a good idea.  Fuck me.  Well starting where I left off today.  I will get 200 cal today and not look back.  Called in sick from work today.  Just feel yucky over all but have tons to do if I really want to work on getting out of my house.  But I am so exhausted now I can't decide.  Not true.  I want to I am just to unmotivated to do what I need to do right now.  Short post.  Too depressed.

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Saturday, February 18, 2012


CW: 103.6
CP:  Hoodia
CD:  ABC Diet

I did it!  I did only 100 cal on a Friday woo hoo!  I freaked out at work though because there was left over food from this press conference.  Luckily it was just fruit and veggies mainly and I stayed away from the meat and cheese tray.  Intake

2 slices of cucumber:  8cal
1 piece of broccoli:  3cal
2 small pieces of celery:  5cal
1 cup of Numi golden chai:  0cal
1 Nature valley granola thins:  80cal
1 diet 7-up:  0cal

Today I get 200cal.  Hopefully it goes well.  I am just going to try and stay busy as possible and avoid food.  I have to go see a friend who just got a boob job but I honestly dont really want to see any of my friends.  I am tempted to delete boy from my fb since I find myself cyber stalking but I know thats just childish I should be able to control my urges with him like I do my food.  I have a headache this morning. Probably the lack of caffeine.  I turned in an application yesterday for this job.  I kinda fudged when they asked me if I had experience and now I feel really bad about it.  But I really need this job and I feel like I can handle it.  I dunno do you think I am a bad person????  Probably.  Whatever add it to the list of why I am a bad person.  I am going to look at apartments today.  Maybe I will find something I love.  Hopefully.  I just wish I had someone for a second opinion but I knew there would be a day where I would start spending the rest of my life alone and thats just the way it is.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Not Sure

CW: 104.2 WTF??
CP:  Hoodia
CD:  ABC Diet

Yesterday I stayed with in my 400 calories but I woke up this morning and the scale hasnt budged still.  I mean what the fuck??  Not even an ounce??  Am I doing something wrong here?? Blah, well yesterday's intake was:

Lean Pocket pepperoni pizza-  280cal
4 Pickle spears-  20cal
Mini crisps- 100cal

Today I get a whopping 100 cal and its going to be hard to stay in it since the scale hasnt dropped at all this week.  But I am going to put my bullshit aside.  I know I need to start working out but for some reason I have decided to pick up a second job.  Not sure why I thought this would be a good idea aside from the fact that its money, it keeps me away from boozing, and I could move out quicker with out my mom's help.  I'll be working roughly 60 hours a week between my full time and then part time hosting job.  What are your thoughts?  Think its worth it to pick up a second job or will I regret it?  An old friend is getting me the job so I dont want to change my mind an make her look bad.  I just thought it would help get my mind off how depressed I am but then I was thinking I will be so exhausted and have no time to do anything that I will become more depressed.  See I am even over thinking this. AHHHHH! HELP!

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