CP: Hoodia
CD: ABC Diet
And I already fucked up. Yesterday I binged like crazy because I got two rejection letters in the mail and I hadnt lost anything not even an ounce. That lead to me having a ham sandwich with full fat mayo, white hoagie bun, honey cured ham for days, two sodas, bowl of cereal, entire bag of popcorn with extra butter, chocolate mousse, chocolate chip cookie dough icecream, cereal bar...:( Such a fat loser. Oh and a salad with ranch dressing, WTF? So of course I woke up two pounds heavier today. No surprise but then got asked to lunch by some coworkers and decided to have a foot long sub with bacon and mayo not to mention chips and a soda. My guilt was so overwhelming I wanted to just fade away. But instead I calmly walked to the bathroom and purged. For the first time sober and consciously, threw up my lunch. I dont think I got all of it which lead me to the question...how do you know when youve purged everything? I really dont want to make this a habit by any means but I am still very curious. I couldnt believe how once I got it going it just came up. Almost like I was born for this. At least I am hoping that puts my intake back to around 550cal? Maybe? How do you even calculate something like that? I cant eat the rest of the day thats for sure still much over my planned 200 calories either way. I wanted to wear this dress tonight but I am way tooooo fat. Which is making me want to eat more and hide. I think I just need a nap and a hot shower and some tea. But another part of me is like I already fucked the day up why not just do it more?? AHHHHHH I dont want to even have to think about it anymore I am sick of being consumed with these thoughts. Fuck it.
Maybe this will help you cuz I am past being helped
Is this your first time doing the ABC diet, or some diet like that in general? If so, I hear it's easier to start with the SGD instead. Maybe you should try that? Don't let it get you down! Especially please don't let it make you start purging. It's so hard to stop once you've started. Personal experience. :(
ReplyDelete(If you want to do the SGD instead, let me know and we'll do it together!)
They (Doctors) say you can only ever get 80% of the food out of you... Ehh.
ReplyDeleteI like to believe when blood comes up then that's the end, there's no more in there.
So, really, decided for yourself. Either think you can always only get 80% out or just work until you can see some blood.
Pain is beauty <3