Please Please Please

CW: Real Fucking FAT
CP: Hoodia
CD: ABC Diet Redo


Thank you so much for the comments you wouldnt believe how I wanted to jump for joy to see them and then when I read them and they were not hateful...bliss I was in haha.  Well I spent the weekend binging but didnt purge again though its all I thought about.  I am going to restart ana boot camp today and if I dont make it through the week successfully I may have to put this off for a minute.  I got pretty thrashed on friday for a mates birthday.  I then proceeded to make an ass out of myself at this boys house that I have been kinda seeing.  Apparently I was acting "fucking crazy" and he almost kicked me out.  I dont have a recollection of this but I wouldnt put it past me.  I have been rather self destructive lately due to the rejection of grad school, having my heart broken, financial anguish and just overall severe depression and anxiety.  I tried to get some anti-anxiety meds from the doc but that didnt work out.  I dont know how people can just call you crazy and not realize that if they honestly mean that then I have a problem and you should want to get me help if you care.  I couldnt be screaming any louder for help.  Every day I drive to work and try to think of ways to kill myself.  But then instead I just restrict my diet or binge and more recently purge.  I am a failure at an eating disorder, a failure at depression, I mean I guess my anxiety is doing pretty well if I have people calling me crazy haha.  I really hope these feelings go away.  I wish I could just be alone but I cant afford my own place and for instance I have a bunch of family in town right now sucking the life out of me and they just make noise all the time.  My anxiety is so bad I just want to sit in a silent room away from everyone but at the same time I am so desperate for affection.  Ah.  Today I am going to stay strong, focused.  Not eat.  Cheers.


Daily Thinspo

This is my greatest fear.